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Ronin
'NOTICE FROM THE PRODUCER' We regret to inform you that the role of Ronin, the Intergalactic Ninja of Awesome will no longer be played by Teagh Beatty. He will in fact be written out of Season 2 entirely as a leading role and will be assigned the status of recurring 'ally'. He will, however, not plummet down an elevator shaft to his doom, as other phased-put characters have before him, and will live on in the hearts and minds of his trillions of fans everywhere... Ninjascroll Ronin's Background: INTELLIGENCE FILE EXERPT File No. 1-45847-80731-6376-0835-6035 CODENAME: Ronin GIVEN NAME: Dalin Atreyu SUBJECT NUMBER: 128 PROJECT: Tabula Rasa DIVISION: SECTOR: SOURCE: DIRECTOR: Medzvodu Zatz DIRECTOR’S PERSONAL SUMMARY REPORT Looking back on the whole thing, Subject 128 was screwed from the get-go. Right from the minute his file crossed my desk, to the second his AWOL report did, it was obvious to me that he was the wrong man for the right job. But the Tabula Rasa control group had a quota to fill my superiors expected me to fill it... and Dr. Kezukian insisted 128 was perfect. In the rear viewport, it seems the good Doctor was wrong. I told anyone who asked – this office included – what I thought about Doc K, but the Doctor could (and still can) get away with murder, and as my superiors didn’t seem to give a womp-rat’s behind about my ‘objections’, I reluctantly and with recorded protestation, gave 128 a green light. Subject 128 was a geezer compared to his peers – just the first bad omen – and to top it off, he was a complete civvie: no shred of military training or background at all. And if that wasn’t big enough reason to can him outright, his personality score happened to rate deep into the ‘moral’ end of the spectrum, and everybody here knows that this Department doesn’t play nice, never mind this Project in particular. Of course I called that right away – 128 had ‘momma’s boy’ written all over him, and it really was: his parents were the hard-working, bleeding-heart types who wasted their lives busting their backs on skid row in Alderaan to make sure junior never had to see his ice cream cone hit the dirt. No wonder he grew up soft and pampered, like a noble’s backside. No wonder junior wanted to be a gardener like his old man – couldn’t handle leaving the safety of the nest. How nice... But poor 128’s parents had other things in mind for baby. The deluded saps used their entire life savings to send 128 to university on Alderaan, and any chance of producing a useful member of galactic society – let alone our Project – got pissed away at that moment. Military training is the only hope someone as sharp as 128 has of not becoming, at best, an annoying prick, at worst, a diabolical pacifist. Instead he got his melon crammed full of naive, panzy-loving, free-thinking malarkey they peddle for education at these Alderaanian nerf-herding communes. But Dr Kezukian was happy as a pig in feces on that count, insisting it would be his ‘greatest triumph yet’ to wire this sod backwards. But to my lecherous mind, the number one cause of his failure, without a doubt, was a woman. His high-school sweetheart, Elada Pelan. Do not even get me started on how stupid an idea it is to do what we do to people with spunk on their brains. They just can’t be trusted. The good Doctor would constantly argue me on this point, and I got a feeling that most of you reading this would agree with him, but you listen to me... Twenty years doing this job has taught me one thing: no matter how much we think we know about the mind, and how many fancy tools and clever theorems we invent to control a man’s mind, there is a part of it that we will never be able to get at, and it is more powerful than all the mind-control rays in the galaxy put together. And if a man has a woman on his mind, then let me tell you, there is nothing that I, you, Dr Kezukian, or 100 Doctors twice as diabolical and ten times as smart can do to completely flush her out. Now, you can call me what you will, and tell me I’m a fossil, and that my notions are quaintly outdated... But the record still remains that 128 went AWOL, left his mission completely FUBAR, and is at large in the galaxy living a free man’s life. Let that record show that I was right... that 128 was completely unsuitable... that 128 was an unwarranted risk... and that I, fracking, told everyone so. So fire me if you like: decommission, reprimand and reassign me. But just remember: I told you so. Ninjarecord A Record of Ronin's Exploits: Computers Locked Out Of: 1 Computers Succesfully Hacked: 0 Computers Destroyed: 1 Computers Repaired: 0 Droids Destroyed: 2 Droids Repaired: 0 Thugs Assassinated: 4 Criminal Syndicates Eliminated: 1 Stormtroopers Killed: 2 Teammates Locked in Elevators: 1 Ninjalog The Personal Logs of Spaceninja Ronin LOG 1: Stardate 356.5.5 Don't know about this new crew I signed on with... Captain Reynolds' got some wits, but the help seems a bit... odd. I get this weird feeling whenever we're all together... like I'm reliving some kind of bad dream, or like I've done this all before. But then again, maybe I really have... Either way, there's more to this crew than meets the eye. Some of them are... emotionally fragile. But some of them seem almost be inside each other's heads and finish each other's sentences before they start them - I would put money down that they have worked together before the Alderaa. But at this point, I've got little choice and one ship is as good as any other, as far as I know... Hopefully I won't die... And if I don't die, maybe I'll get some answers... eventually... LOG 2: Stardate 344.1.33 Eventful but unproductive day. Crew proved it's ability to get into trouble... and it's impotence towards getting itself out of trouble. They started a fight in the dive pub we got stuck in: something about some shady business that Roth character apaprently could have handled better. Don't know if that one has what it takes to be a hardened criminal... but at least he brought home the bacon. Some witnesses got away from the scuffle though... some of the goody-two-shoes in the group - that Gorbie fellow especially - tried to ignore the problem to make it go away. Obviously he's a bit naive, even if his heart's in the right place. And even though Roth knew what had to be done, I was the only one willing to go through with it, and I have never cowered away from doing what was necessary. I accepted payment for it so as not to seem deranged... and to help me get this really sweet laptop I've been eyeing - can't wait to get my hands on that beauty! Ah well, this motley crue may be my death eventually, but we're still too close to the core - to close to the grid for me to jump ship yet. Guess I'm stuck with them for now... LOG 3: Stardate 6 Sweet vengeance... thou tasteth so lovely on my longing tongue! Today I killed stormtroopers. It was satisfying! Almost made me forget losing that laptop I bought yesterday - I've never been so close to crying in public, I think. Almost died twice in the scuffle - that Min the Tank-Medic-Woman knows her stuff! She is clearly the most capable member of this crew... I owe her one. But risking death was worth the chance to kill the zombie-drone soldiers... doesn't get me back what I lost, but it does make me forget about losing it... temporarily. I was impressed at the crew's willingness to dive into battle, and against stupid odds, and to kill Imperials nonetheless! Stupid, but impressive. They seemed to enjoy it almost as much as I did... makes me wonder... Rescued some VIP. Don't know who she is, but if the Empire wants to kill her, then she's all right in my books. It was a close call though... the operation was a shit show from top to bottom, and I almost jeopardized the whole mission with a critically ill-timed failure at the computer terminal... I am upset about losing the computer, and embarrassed about not pulling my weight at the keyboard - although strangely I feel no remorse for locking the ditzy, superficial one in the elevator... but I will never forgive myself for failure, especially with my crewmates lives on the line. It is not acceptable. 10 lashes from the service droid and no sustenance for 3 days should reinforce the lesson sufficiently. LOG 4: Stardate 745987.2 Well... this is definitely situation FUBAR now... Any hope of separating myself from these... people, is gone, and my fate is sealed with theirs after today. In a sense, I should be happy: the events have thrown me into the path of an organized military effort to topple the hated Empire. But the slipshod execution of this operation - their first that I have been associated with - does not bode well for the future, or speak highly of their actual efficacy. The 'months of planning' they took were all wasted and the 'top people' they used need to be fired, as all of these efforts were derailed by the simple quirks of their astromech droids. If this level of 'professinalism' is typical for this organization, we will all be dead within a month... but we've got little choice now. Between Roth's genocidal lunacy, Darvin's extreme lack of inconspicuousness, and the hair-trigger programming on those Droids, every Stormtrooper in the Core will be on-lookout for us. And if we don't fall in with these rebel yahoo's, our only choice will be to disappear into the nether regions of the outer rim... which, come to think of it, wouldn't be such a bad thing... but then I will have almost no chance of getting what I need. No, sadly - slipshod or not - this pathetic band of rebels is now my best chance for getting close enough to the grid to get to the people I need... to get to the Project... and get my life back... Holoimage Database Images recorded from assorted surveillance devices scattered across the galaxy... Ronin.jpg|Unconfirmed reports indicate this may be an image of Ronin before his ninjafication procedure... it must be him because there's nobody else here... ryu-hayabusa-1.gif|Ronin backed into a corner... sniper_ninja.jpg|Ronin at the office... mgs-cyborg-ninja.jpg|Ronin after Droidification... nej_ninja.jpg|'U-Dress-It' Ronin doll... Nano Ninja.jpg|Ronin venting plasma jets... NinjaGaiden.jpg|Ronin on location... mgs-solid-snake.jpg|Ronin on a good hair day... 000xxx.png|Ronin when he's REALLLLLLY angry! Category:Crew